It’s a fact of life whether poor or rich,
You’ll never escape that big ol’ stupid ditch.

The ditch that takes up too much space,
Always beside a road and poorly placed.
Y’know the one that’s never filled in.
The kind of thing that should be a sin.

The sort of nuisance that’s always been.
That not even papaw remembers exactly when.
It always has and will always be.
Big ol’ stupid ditch, why won’t you let me be?

I swear to you that no buddy, no kin,
Has not met that ditch by their truck’s front-end.
And every time you think you’re just ’bout out,
That ditch like magic spins your tires about.

Oh, if only I could get my hands on that son ITCH!
That durn fool what dug that ditch.
I’d die happy, no doubt, it’s true,
For just one good hard wack with my shoe.

But when I am old and about to turn in,
I got just one request, no it ain’t pretend.
Bury me not in a graveyard lot,
For there’s already a hole, you know the spot.

So chuck me in that ditch around the bend,
There I’ll be, just stuff me in.
I don’t care how, saw me in half,
So long as I get the last laugh.

And when Amazing Grace has rung its tune,
And the party breaks up by a quarter noon.
Gravediggers get your shovels and spades,
Bury of us both. Beneath dirt we fade.

But, alas, so long revenge so sweet,
Why'd they have to get dirt from ’cross the street?!
Oh no, you fools, what y’all gone and done?
One ditch down but now there’s another one!

And so here we are and here we shall be,
That big ol’ stupid ditch plus now there’s me.
But y’know, no harm done, it’s all fine,
’Cause when you get suck, I’ll be laughin—


From across the line.